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How your friendships change after baby and why it's not a bad thing.

August 14, 2018

To my surprise, every relationship that I have with my friends has changed drastically since I had my son.  Some relationships have grown stronger.  Some have gotten weaker.  Some have virtually disappeared all together. 

 

Friendships changing isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It's a fact of life: When you get older, you sometimes lose friends or the people who used to be your BFF's are now more of acquaintances and that's ok!

 

You no longer care about the girly "nonsense" and can no longer tolerate it.

 

When I say nonsense, I am referring to the petty drama that all us girls used to feed off of in our early twenties.  Did you see someone at the bar you didnt like and just their presence annoyed you?  Are you attempting to start drama with someone because you didn't like their "tone of voice" or "attitude"?  Is all this really even necessary?!  

 

I'm not trying to be rude, but I just. don't. care. I no longer have the desire -- or time for that matter -- to deal with lies, drama, or unnecessary back and forth like I did with some people before I had my son.  I have a tiny human I’m trying to raise into a decent human being.  It's too time consuming & I no longer have the energy to deal.

 

 

The fact that you have a child is REALLY annoying to some people in your former circle.

 

Ok so I get it -- kids aren't for everyone.  Once you have a baby, you will start to see some relationships change over night (heck, you can even start to see this when you're pregnant!)  I now have friends who I can group into 2 categories: party friends and "all around" friends.  

 

The party friends are the ones who you would hang out with every weekend.  You would drink and dance the night away together.  Now that you're a mom, things can be awkward around your party friends.  They see your baby more as a ball and chain— a tiny little person who has messed up your Friday and Saturday night "fun".  Unless they are parents themselves, they will have ZERO idea what it’s like to try to cope with your new identity (being a mom) while not 100% giving up the person you were before you were pregnant. They won’t know that the only thing you want is to fit in and be accepted by them.  Sometimes these party friends will even snub you & make you feel terrible about bringing your child around. They somehow think that just because you’re a mom and bring your child around that they are expected to act like a mom and be more responsible too, when it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

 

You will slowly drift apart (and at first it will sting like hell) but you will quickly realize it's ok! You don't really have a whole lot in common anymore as you are at different stages in your life. If they start a family some day or you get a night out & see them at your local bar, you will pick up right where you left off.  I promise. 

 

 

 Your great "all around" friends are those who you have a connection with outside of the partying scene.  They get REALLY excited to see your baby and brag about them like they're their own.  They ask how you’re doing, how your babies doing, & genuinely care. They have no issue staying in and having a game night or tagging along with you & your family when you go to the zoo.  They are often times parents themselves so they 100% get how crazy, exciting, and amazing being a parent really is.  They bring 5 extra juice boxes and 6 extra snacks because they know your kiddo will be around.  They're your go to-people.  They say it takes a village to raise a child, and these are your people. 

 

You will (surprisingly) find yourself making a lot of new friends after baby.

This was something that I wasn't expecting in the least.  Since we had our son, our weekend activities went from drinking on a boat every weekend to things a little more constructive and fulfilling like camping with friends and spending our weekends at motocross tracks (my husband has been racing since he was 5, took a break for a few years, and is now getting back into it). 

 

Getting out of your normal routine and doing new things gives you a chance to make new friends and even connect with people that you were friends with years ago who are now parents.  We have so much fun camping & going to races with our new friends (well, new for me long lost friends for hubby) that it is so refreshing.  Our children are different ages but all get along great! Where almost everyone is a parent themselves,  things just flow.  It's really hard to describe until you experience it for yourself.  Making new friends that you can relate to on so many different levels is an awesome feeling.  Literally I look at some of them and think, "Where have you been all my life?!"

 

 

Your fun nights out have a change of scenery which some friends are down for and others...not so much.

 

Some of our friends from our "all around" friend circle have bought a camper or are in the process of buying a camper to join in on our fun, and it makes my heart so happy!  Nothing's better than getting outdoors for a weekend away with friends that is calm, relaxing, and conversation flows effortlessly. Once the kids are in bed for the night we have drinks by a campfire or play games.  We make s'mores and chat the night away.  It's literally perfect and gives me all the feels.

 

Others have shown 0 interest in our new hobby and really don't understand the point.  It's ok.  I still believe one of these days they will tag along and see what fun they are missing.  Only time will tell!

 

 

Things will change once baby arrives and it isn't necessarily a bad thing.  You can't hold grudges or be upset with people who were once your besties and now have suddenly vanished.  Chances are they will come around eventually.  Your solid friends will support you endlessly, you will make amazing new friends, and I promise in the end -- everything will be ok!

 

Have you experienced changes in your friendships?  Let us know in the comments below!

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